I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
