I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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