if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
