Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
