oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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