she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
