I think I died a long time ago.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize