Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
