drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
