party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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