So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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