I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
