i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
