a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
