the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
