the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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