I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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