4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
