im six kinds of drunk right now
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
