In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
