so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
