you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize