He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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