So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
