Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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