Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
