just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
