Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
