She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
