I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize