I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
