were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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