My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
