All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
