Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
