Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love having hate sex.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
