I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
