when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
