We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
