I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you never un-have a 4some
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
