got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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