If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
