she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
