I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
