I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
