Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
