sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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