I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
