i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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