Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
