I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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