You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
