i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
