I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
