I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
