I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
