I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
