i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
