I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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