I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
